


Idfc

by fuckyouall



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:35:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7361713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckyouall/pseuds/fuckyouall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idfc

It was just another usual Friday night; sitting on the couch waiting for a call, that may not even come. On good Friday nights, he’d get a call from him, it was silly of him to wait for it, but he did, he expected something from him, and he was usually let down. He finally heard his phone ringing, and got up immediately to answer it, cursing himself for being stupid.  
“Are you busy tonight?” tonight he wasn’t slurring, thank God, he was sober, finally.  
“Not tonight, why?”  
“Oh you know why. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes”  
And just like that, the phone call was over. He didn’t know why he still had hope, why he thought that he would love him. He was desperate and in love, what could he do? Well, that had an easy answer, but he didn’t want to lose him. He would take what he could get, even if it meant getting his heart broken with every meaningless kiss and touch. So he waited, not for only fifteen minutes, but more, he waited for hours, four, to be exact. When he heard the knock on the door, his heart was on his throat, he went to open it.  
“Where the fuck have you been? It’s been four hours”  
“Got caught up in the moment, sorry”  
“Got caught up in the moment? You… you didn’t even call me to tell me that you’d be fucking late”  
“Sorry Frankie” and how could he not forgive him? Gerard’s expression was of complete disappointment, and he looked so sad. Every time he saw him, he would get surprised with the man’s beauty, he was so in love it hurt. But if he opened his mouth to say he forgave him, he’d tell him that he was in love, so he kissed him instead. He wrapped his arms around Gerard, afraid that he’d disappear, and Gerard put one hand on his neck and the other on his waist, leading him through the house, to finally get to the bedroom. He started kissing Gerard’s jaw, lowering slowly as he left a trail of kisses on the man, when he noticed a weird scent of cologne; but it wasn’t Gerard’s, or his.  
“Gerard, where were you?”  
“I was with Mikey and some friends, why?”  
“You’re with another man’s scent on your neck”  
Gerard froze, but managed to keep a neutral expression, and Frank got even more pissed.  
“Frank, I’m sorry, but we’re not exclusive. I’m not your boyfriend”  
“I fucking know that, but I expected at least some decency on your behalf. Like, you come from a party that you made out with some of your so called friends, to have sex with me, like I mean nothing to you”  
“You don’t.”  
Frank could feel his heart stopping, and breaking. They’ve been doing this thing for months, and at first, they had a strict rule: do not fall in love. But Frank did, and he was so fucked. He spent nights awake taking care of a drunk Gerard, or on the phone listening to him talking about comic books and his ideas of bands that probably wouldn’t last, or just talking to him about anything and everything, and that’s how he fell in love. He learned every little thing about Gerard, he memorized every detail on his skin. It was one of the purest thing he ever felt, and yet, Gerard couldn’t do the same for him.  
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful and one day you’ll find someone you’ll love more than anything. You’re amazing, Frank”  
“I already did, Gee”  
Gerard said nothing after that, but he leaned closer and kissed Frank with everything he had, touching everything, tracing his tattoos. And Frank would take that, because it was all he had.

They fucked many times before, with more anger, and lust; but not this time. This time Gerard was being careful, maybe he was afraid to break him, afraid of Frank’s kiss, Frank could even say that maybe Gerard was afraid of _catching feelings_. When both of them reached their climax, they collapsed on the bed, next to each other, Gerard staring at the ceiling, and Frank looking at him. God, how he wanted to cry.  
“Gee, you know I love you, right? I’m in love with you” He kept staring at the ceiling, breathing calmly.  
“I don’t love you, Frank”  
“Please tell me you love me, I don’t care if it’s fake… just, please” the tears started to fall, leaving traces of his broken heart on his flushed face, he felt the world crashing around him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He didn’t feel angry with Gerard, because honestly, how could someone love him? He waited for Gerard to tell him why, give him a reason, he would be satisfied with anything. His chest was burning along with his throat, his back was aching, and his heart was finally broken. After months of Gerard torturing him, his heart slowly shattering, it finally broke. He was already expecting it, but it was ten times worse than what he imagined.  
“Please, Gee. Tell me lies that are as beautiful as you. Tell me you love me”  
He was obviously out of his mind; or just desperate, maybe both. But he wanted to hear those feared three words come out of Gerard’s mouth, he wanted to hear them so he wouldn’t feel like shit, like someone could love him. He knew that someone could love him, but he wanted that someone to be him, but it wasn’t and it never would be. That’s the saddest part about love: sometimes it can be unrequited, not reciprocated, and it breaks you inside to know that someone you somehow find beautiful, not just in appearance, doesn’t love you, so you start questioning everything about yourself. Does this random thing I do is annoying? Am I ugly? Am I just not good enough? You just want to know why this person can’t love you back.  
“Frank, stop”  
“Get out”  
“Frank, please…”  
“No, get out. And don’t call me, don’t come back.”  
“But, why?”  
“Because every time you call me, it gives me hope that someday you’ll love me and you’ll be mine. Every time you touch me, I feel like if you let go, I’ll shatter. And I’m tired of getting nothing from you besides meaningless nights. So just go, leave me alone”  
Gerard took one last look at him and left, not even saying goodbye. When he closed the door, Frank broke down in tears becoming a mess of sobs, lying on the floor, knowing he would never see the love of his life again. He thought about all the times he fell asleep next to him, holding his hand, and all the times they watched their favorite movies, and his favorite night: the one Gerard sang him to sleep, holding his hands and caressing his head. Gerard’s brother told Frank that he never sang anymore, not even for him, because it reminded of their grandma. So he cried, he cried all night, letting it all out, until he fell asleep, thinking that maybe when he wakes up, Gerard will be there.

**Author's Note:**

> *sips coffee* i'm not even sorry


End file.
